In anticipation

It has been a long time since I posted a blog, I haven’t been as regular in writing as I would have liked, but as I sit and type this I am watching a young magpie in the garden. He is thin and straggly and gradually losing his baby feathers. Shortly he will be glossy like his parents. As I consider the cycle of life, and I think about getting older and all that entails. The grey hair, the spreading figure, the growing independence of our children, as they start on their own lives and building their own futures they seem like the magpie in the garden. Soon they will be adult and have no need of baby feathers or  parent birds making sure they find the food they need.

I did write this once, but managed to lose it rather than post it, can I remember everything I wanted to say? no, of course not. Still, I can remember the gist of it. So bear with me, my memory is going. I proved that tonight, by saying I hadn’t got any salad in the fridge. ‘But you went out on Tuesday night to buy some salad’ said my darling (ever patient) hubby. ‘I definitely didn’t buy any’ I said.  On checking the fridge, I found lettuce, tomato, cucumber, peppers and other assorted random stuff to make a salad with.  Memory goes as you get older. Without  a doubt. But the upside is that I find myself remembering more of my youth, and my childrens’ youth.   I can recall incidents and stories clearly that I thought I had forgotten.
I was reminded of this when I watched the TV last night. I sat and watched Jennifer Saunders Back in the Saddle. As she reminisced about her day dreams as she rode her pony, I was so there with her. A lady of my age, she has memories very similar to mine, although I never had my own pony! I used to ride my bike and pretend it was a pony instead. But I also dreamed the selectors would see us and notice our potential. I am keenly anticipating the next part of the programme.

I am anticipating my older age with mixed feelings, I am enjoying watching the new generations in our wider family, I am enjoying learning new things, like blogging, like Twitter, like photography.

But I am now panicking like mad. I have had it agreed that I can do an A level in photography through the School I work at. It is a new course they are offering and there are spaces. My boss has agreed I can work flexibly to allow me to attend lessons. Why the panick you ask? Well, it is at least 10 years since I did any form of study. I will be working with students, what will they think of me being in with them? will I be able to cope with working, studying and running a home? will I be able to keep up with the students? Will I be any good at it? I am already signed up for an evening course to follow on from last years basic course, am I trying to do to much?  I am paying for both these courses, what if I let myself down? worse the School? even worse than that my family? What made me think I could do an A level at my age?

I return to the programme I watched last night. Jennifer Saunders is taking on a challenge, a lady who is of a similar age to myself. If she can do it, then I am sure I bloody well can. I will do it. I may get a D or even an E, but I am going to damn well try to get a better grade than that.
I will try to blog as I go along about how I am getting on. If I take a couple of cool photos on the way I may even share them.

Wish me luck as I anticipate what is going to happen in September, as I quietly work myself into a state. I am anticipating a great result tomorrow as my football team starts the season anew. I am anticipating seeing my friend’s new grandson who has just arrived (only 6 weeks early, but home already and doing well), as I read Twitter and note what is going on with other people I follow, I worry for some, and am hopeful for others, I know that many others have greater problems, I hope that things work out for everyone – me included!!

So are you eagerly anticipating anything? or worrying about something coming up? A problem shared and all that…..

Now, where did I put my pencil case?

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