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I have not been sleeping well at night, I have been having terrible dreams. About falling into holes, and not being able to get out. I don’t need an analyst to tell me what they mean. I know. I worry that we haven’t thought the move through properly (we did! I just over think things!) and that we have bought the wrong house (we haven’t, it is lovely), that the garden is too big (it isn’t).

I have been reassessing my appearance – I have been trying contact lenses, Specsavers have been very good. I usually wear varifocal glasses, so we tried distance lenses and reading glasses (not practical). Then we tried vari-focal lenses – they didn’t work at all for me. Too impractical. So now I am on One distance lens and one reading lens. So far? so good. The optician has been very patient. I think we have found the formula for me.

My hair is going grey. I am more grey than not now. I have very little sense of what will look good on me. I look at styles and discount them. I have moved away from my regular hairdresser and I do miss him. I need to think ahead to March. I don’t want to let the side down. I wanted to be slim, glamourous, now think beach ball!

I am tired. If I go to the doctor it will be – It is my age / lose weight. My joints ache. It is my age / lose weight. I would love to lose weight. It has been a battle for most of my life. The experts need to make their f*cking minds up –  sugar’s bad, sugar’s not bad, fat’s bad, fat’s not bad, carbs are bad, carbs are not bad no this, no that, exercise, don’t bother exercising. How are people, ordinary people supposed to know what to do if the supposed experts can’t agree amongst themselves?  I am hormonal, tearful, can’t find a frock for the wedding.  I hate my legs. I only wear trousers these days. No miracles here, I just have to starve myself and exercise like shit to try and lose a few stones. I will still hate my legs, and I still won’t be able to find a frock.  I am tired and my joints ache. I think I really ought to go to the Doctor. Maybe there is something wrong somewhere. Perhaps if I was pain free I would be more inclined to exercise.

On the bright side – there is a bright side, I have been learning Photoshop. I have a brilliant tutor who is very patient. I need to be shown then do it myself. I am brimming with ideas of photos I want to make. Just need to find the time to make them! Keep an eye on the blog for when I finally get cracking.

I have been reading a lot too. I love reading. I love writing reviews too – who knew? I have a stack of books waiting. I will post reviews as I do them. If you get chance – read SnowBlind by Ragnar Jonasson. It is brilliant. I loved it.

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