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Once again Post 40 Bloggers have come up with a prompt that happens to fit in with where my head is at. So this week they appear to have been a fly on the wall during a conversation I was having with a friend. I said I wanted to be more strong willed.

Some people think that this (being strong willed) is a fault. I used to agree, but now I am not so sure. It is a survival thing. I have to be more strong willed. I have to say No much more often, or articulate what it is I want to do. When we become Mothers we put our own needs on the back burner. When I was a child, my needs seemed to be on the back burner, partly because I was the eldest of four, and partly because my parents marriage broke up, but looking back, I always seemed to put my wants or needs to one side for others. As a Mother and a wife I would put myself last in the priority list. Well, this has become ingrained. I want to be more strong willed and make sure what I want to do is vocalised and that every now and again I recognise that what I want matters, and that I matter.

We haven’t been at home much since we moved here. I want to start to settle down and make some local friends. I want to get back to blogging more regularly, and I want to fit a bit more exercise in!

Having just come back from a long spell in France with friends, we had a massive crop of runner beans in the garden and tomatoes in the greenhouse. We also brought back a load of apples from our friends’ trees in France, and I finally got to tick off a long held wish to make my own pickles! I still have to make some red onion marmalade (I love that stuff!) and perhaps some jam, but I did it. I said I wanted to do it and I did it.  Next thing is to make my own bread.

I have been playing with my new camera. I am loving learning to use it, and having won a place on Emma Davies Photography for Bloggers course, I am really enjoying learning the techniques, and who knows? the photography on this blog may improve dramatically! – Watch this space!

I am however being less strong willed when it comes to actually getting started on my photography degree. The paperwork has arrived, and I have looked at it, I have ideas buzzing around my brain, and …… there we have it. I am putting off starting. I have excuses – I need to catch up on stuff before I can start, I have other stuff to do first, I need to clear the desk (well, I do.), I have to be stronger and get on with it. I made a start. The stuff on the desk that goes back into the Motorhome went back in there today, which means the box is empty and I can refill that with the Christmas stuff I bought in France, and find other boxes for all the great props I bought while I was there.

I think I am frightened. I know I am. Of starting. Of failing. Of not being able to do it. Of people saying I knew you wouldn’t do it. I am going to be more strong willed. I am going to do it. I am going to clear the desk tomorrow.
Part of the stuff I have to do first is to set up a learning log blog. That is going to be done tomorrow. I will be more strong willed.