I want to be more……

Once again Post 40 Bloggers have come up with a prompt that happens to fit in with where my head is at. So this week they appear to have been a fly on the wall during a conversation I was having with a friend. I said I wanted to be more strong willed.

Some people think that this (being strong willed) is a fault. I used to agree, but now I am not so sure. It is a survival thing. I have to be more strong willed. I have to say No much more often, or articulate what it is I want to do. When we become Mothers we put our own needs on the back burner. When I was a child, my needs seemed to be on the back burner, partly because I was the eldest of four, and partly because my parents marriage broke up, but looking back, I always seemed to put my wants or needs to one side for others. As a Mother and a wife I would put myself last in the priority list. Well, this has become ingrained. I want to be more strong willed and make sure what I want to do is vocalised and that every now and again I recognise that what I want matters, and that I matter.

We haven’t been at home much since we moved here. I want to start to settle down and make some local friends. I want to get back to blogging more regularly, and I want to fit a bit more exercise in!

Having just come back from a long spell in France with friends, we had a massive crop of runner beans in the garden and tomatoes in the greenhouse. We also brought back a load of apples from our friends’ trees in France, and I finally got to tick off a long held wish to make my own pickles! I still have to make some red onion marmalade (I love that stuff!) and perhaps some jam, but I did it. I said I wanted to do it and I did it.  Next thing is to make my own bread.

I have been playing with my new camera. I am loving learning to use it, and having won a place on Emma Davies Photography for Bloggers course, I am really enjoying learning the techniques, and who knows? the photography on this blog may improve dramatically! – Watch this space!

I am however being less strong willed when it comes to actually getting started on my photography degree. The paperwork has arrived, and I have looked at it, I have ideas buzzing around my brain, and …… there we have it. I am putting off starting. I have excuses – I need to catch up on stuff before I can start, I have other stuff to do first, I need to clear the desk (well, I do.), I have to be stronger and get on with it. I made a start. The stuff on the desk that goes back into the Motorhome went back in there today, which means the box is empty and I can refill that with the Christmas stuff I bought in France, and find other boxes for all the great props I bought while I was there.

I think I am frightened. I know I am. Of starting. Of failing. Of not being able to do it. Of people saying I knew you wouldn’t do it. I am going to be more strong willed. I am going to do it. I am going to clear the desk tomorrow.
Part of the stuff I have to do first is to set up a learning log blog. That is going to be done tomorrow. I will be more strong willed.

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8 Responses to I want to be more……

  1. Helen says:

    Go you – you can do it – start planning the graduation party … By then I may have worked out how to take an amazing portrait of the slim you in your gown!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lizziemoto says:

    Well said. I think many women find themselves in a similar situation. We have been in this house 10 months now and after talking about if for ages I finally advertised the start of a little craft group and 5 strangers turned up for the first meeting. We had a lovely, easy evening and I now know 5 new neighbours!
    Good luck getting started on the degree course, just focus on the first little part rather than the whole 😊

    Like

  3. Helen says:

    “When we become Mothers we put our own needs on the back burner. When I was a child, my needs seemed to be on the back burner, ” – OK this has had me thinking all day …. my needs – I have been happiest when doing stuff for me … putting me first .. and I need to do that again….

    I need to start the steps so that I get to my goal….first steps started with some calls 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m cheering you on – can’t wait to hear the next update on your journey. Everyone always says taking the first steps is the hardest part, don’t they? Looking forward to hearing all about your photography degree.

    Like

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